Disclaimer: Stargate: Atlantis and all related items do not belong to me, only the stories and their related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.
Characters: Rodney, five-year-old John, Ronon and Lorne
Spoilers: None, but it’s sort of set around season three, I guess.
Feedback: Is a gift. It’s nice to give :)
Notes: Okay, so I don’t know where, exactly, this came from, but you can blame loriel_eris! Written at work (meep!)… Procrastination is the name of the game, people! :p
Summary: "Wodey, if I sdeeze weally loud will by eyes pop out?"
This is part of the wee!John ‘verse, which started with Five Ancient Devices Rodney McKay Wishes He’d Never Discovered (number three) and continues in Just an Ordinary Day, Christmas with the Millers, Nap Time, and Maybe (both snippets in same post) and Show Me How Tight You Can Cuddle.
Rodney glares a little. "Are you purposefully saying that every time you sneeze, just to annoy me?"
"Do." John sniffs, looks up at Rodney with pitiful, tear-filled eyes and sneezes again. "Choo!" His head jerks so much he falls back to a seated position. He sniffles and cranes his neck to look up at Rodney. "Cad I have cake, Wod-ey?"
"Wodey? No! No, no and no. You are not calling me that!"
John giggle-coughs, exclaims, "Wodey!" and sneezes violently.
"No," Rodney reiterates and then frowns. "Did you dislodge something that time?"
"My head huwts." John sniffs again and frowns. "Wodey, if I sdeeze weally loud will by eyes pop out?"
"What? No, don't be stupid."
"Dot stupid!" John glares. "Wadek said dat sdeezes aw fast as todaoes o' huwicanes. Bet dey could bake you eyes pop out," he finishes with a lazy drawl that just sounds wrong in his five year old voice and is spoiled by the violent sneeze that follows.
When his face contorts with the next sneeze, Rodney crouches to his level in a slight panic. "Oh my God, what was that?"
"Wad to see if by eyes pop out if I keep dem open."
"Will you stop being stupid! You do not want your eyes to pop out. You will need them to fly planes later!"
"So it does bake you eyes pop out." Rodney glares and John smiles. "Cad I have-?"
"No, you can't have cake."
"Here, you have him. I can't take any more."
Ronon frowns, glances at the snotty, little boy being held out to him at arms length and looks at Mackay sceptically.
"What? He's sneezing everywhere, do you understand that my immune system is non-existent? I've probably already contracted some alien disease with all the germs mixing and mutating, while he sneezes on my work space."
When Ronon just continues to look at him with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk, Rodney actually looks like he might cry.
"P..." Rodney takes a deep breath and then grits his teeth and hisses, "Please."
Ronon rolls his eyes and plucks the sneezing child out of Rodney's outstretched hands and tucks him under one arm. The man scuttles away and Ronon looks down at the boy with a smile. John grins back cheekily at him, opens his mouth to say something and sneezes all over him.
"What do you mean he's under quarantine?" Rodney asks, aghast, trying to make sure the crying child in his arms isn't wiping his nose on Rodney's shoulder.
Lorne sighs and tries again. "John sneezed all over him, got him sick. His immune system isn't built to withstand our germs, he could be there for a while. You've to keep John away from anyone who isn't from Earth."
"I've to...I have work to do!"
"Wodey," John says pathetically and it kind of tugs at Rodney's heart a little.
"Cad I have cake?"
"I... Someone up there hates me."
"Adciedts aw just gwupy," John says, patting his shoulder.
Lorne frowns. "Ancients are just what?"
"Grumpy," Rodney translates, looking at John and sighing. "I don't know what to do with you sometimes."
John nods, his face still solemn. "Ged be cake. Wodod says cake fixes evwyfing."
"Ronon would say that."
"I want you to know," Rodney says, brushing past a snickering Lorne, "that if you weren't so pathetic and I didn't want some myself, you would not be getting anything."
"I hate you."
"I wuv you, too."
AN: I promise, I am working on the main fic! Slowly, but surely.
Also, I’m looking for a wee!John to icon for my posts. Any ideas who might fit the bill?!
CONTINUED IN 'Little Troublemaker'...